Ambien. No doubt about it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Randomize
