i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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