But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
