Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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