you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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