that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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