The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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