So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Text me some of your sweat
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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