Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
