she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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