i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
