I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
