I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
