I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
