saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
