i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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