Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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