Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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