Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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