WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
