I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
