Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
