I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You dont lie about slip and slides
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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