My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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