we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
