I'm going to jail i love you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
