I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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