i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do vagina's smell?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
