they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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