based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
