I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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