I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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