i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
two words...techno handjob
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
