have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
