Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
