i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
