i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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