just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
