I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
