he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
