Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
