Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
