I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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