I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
