I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You left your phone here
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