There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We have so much sex to catch up on
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Pants are for mortals
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
