Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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