I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
