we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
