i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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