every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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