My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
