i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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