I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
