8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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