Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
